Published August 2, 2023
Below are excerpts from books and other sources on the topic of spiritual abuse. These sources helped me walk through years of pain and trauma – after already undergoing years of therapy – caused by the actions of Doug Troyer and Dan Lynch of Crosstrain Church (formerly Cornerstone Church). I would recommend any of the books to those who attend Doug's Training Center (as he calls it) or who are involved in his Training Program, as his beliefs, teachings and actions resulted in great pain and damage in my life. I do not want anyone else to go through what I did. The books are written from a non-cult, Christian perspective.
Spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterized by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context. Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it. This abuse may include: manipulation and exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship of decision making, requirements for secrecy and silence, coercion to conform, inability to ask questions, control through the use of sacred texts or teaching, requirement of obedience to the abuser, the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position, isolation as a means of punishment, and superiority and elitism.
If an abuser has inordinate control over a community of people, which is often the case, then that community can become spiritually abusive as well and might begin to mirror the abuser in their use of these attacks.
My own experiences of narcissistic abuse have left me feeling small, powerless, terrified, crazy, exasperated, enraged, and ashamed. If you’ve experienced it, you’ve experienced trauma. Do not chalk this up to a ‘bad experience.’ Name it as trauma that affects every single aspect of your existence. This is not an admission of weakness but an honest confession. In your weakness and vulnerability is an opportunity for healing.
Being wounded by a narcissistic pastor is a particularly painful trauma. Clergy hold a uniquely powerful role in our lives, and an experience of abuse (in whatever form) from a pastor or priest or ecclesial authority is a profound violation. Some will avoid acknowledging this trauma for months or years out of deference to a spiritual authority, second-guessing their own experience all the while. Others may acknowledge it but stew with rage and avoid the work of healing.
Abusers and abusive organizations may concede the basic reality of the wrong—“Yes, this happened”—but quickly add statements that either soften their responsibility or promote their integrity: “We value all people and only want what is best for everyone involved.” If these concessions do their job, the accused will stay in power, stay in favor with the community, and stay far from the shame their actions deserve.
Instead of using the Word as a sword to pierce through to the thoughts and motives of their own hearts, many spiritual leaders have used it as a stick to drive others, for a variety of reasons: to keep others from holding them accountable; to protect their image; to uphold a doctrine they have based a whole ministry upon; to keep funds coming in; to build religious kingdoms in order to bolster their own spiritual self-esteem. In other words, it’s possible that some leaders teach the Word for personal gain, not to heal and to free.
We often seem to want people who have suffered terrible things to just “get over it”. They cannot. Evil has real impact and does real damage.
Silence is a form of deception when it keeps dark secrets hidden while giving the impression there is nothing to be said or made known. Silence does not equal innocence. Silence is sometimes a deliberate choice to actively keep certain truths and truth-tellers buried.
Folks, if a pastor is causing you to live in fear of him, you don't have a pastor, you have a cult leader. Vote with your feet out that door.
By silencing victims, by rushing to protect our institutions and by striving for externally pristine environments that cover-up our great un-likeness to Christ, we are in fact missing God. He comes to us through the little, the diseased, the crippled and the fearful.
People who abuse their power, who eat whom they should feed, who victimize the vulnerable, who dehumanize and oppress other humans — can and should be exposed. Their complex legacy and double life should be elucidated.
The drive to dominate others is an expression of human depravity. Pretending it’s a virtue is anti-Christian.